So....it's been a really long time since the last time I blogged. I apologize. Life's been a little crazy, plus I have this habit of thinking of things to write about right as I should be going to bed and the desire to write just isn't there the next day.
I've made some major strides in my life lately. I've started at a great new job and I have an apartment lined up (no more living at my parents!), and I've come to realize over the past few days that the next step is...dating....and (eventually) marriage. This is something that, honestly, I've been avoiding for a next time. Never really on purpose, but it's definitely something I've ignored or made excuses over. I've always had something to hide behind: school, but more recently the shame of living at my parents' house after graduation and the shame (and ridiculous schedule) of working at my college job after graduation.
This sort of segues into my next fear of dating: I am a horrible date. It was especially bad when I was still in the sad place of a month ago. I knew exactly where I was in life and had all sorts of plans and theories that made perfect sense to me but didn't seem like anyone else would understand. As a result, I was incredibly self-deprecating, which I'm sure wasn't very exciting for the poor boy. Also, I tend to be a little weird. In real life, the weird mixes in with the normal and I become likably quirky. On a date, I'm scrambling to find things to say (as I tend to be deathly quiet around guys) and weird things inevitably come out. I feel like I'd have a better shot if I went out with a guy I actually knew a little bit, so he'd already know my personality. I suppose I'd have better experiences if I had more than one date where the guy had asked me out. That one time I'm pretty sure his mom suggested it...plus he's gay now. Mostly I have just been on blind dates, which are fine but don't do much for those not great with first impressions.
Here's the thing: I'm a wonderful person! I'm not being vain; I realize that I have shortcomings just like anybody, I just happen to also have a healthy dose of self-esteem. I'm intelligent, funny, a good listener, and I don't think I'm too bad to look at. I suppose the problem is two-fold: I'm not confident enough to be more outgoing with guys, but also no guy is willing to actually take the time to get to know me. And really, what incentive does he have? I'm quite awesome, but on the surface, I'm quiet (which apparently sends out this stuck-up vibe) and, by Utah standards, I'm old! Meanwhile, there are dozens of loud freshmen girls with personalities as deep as kiddie pools all over each and every guy. There's no need for them to try for a girl with actual depth. I'm like an aged cheddar at a Velveeta convention!
Just a little frustration. In truth, I'm hoping that the fact that I no longer have need for self-deprecation will help out my dating life. Of course, I still have to get dates, but, hey! Maybe all these new exciting things in my life will give me more confidence around guys. I hope. Anyway, there it is.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Never minds
I suppose it all started on New Year's Eve. I went to a fancy party with a couple of girls. For the most part, it was a lot of fun, getting all dressed up and watching other girls being asked to dance. The low moment came when I first saw a guy that I had liked for a very long time with the girlfriend I didn't know he had. I knew I had no right to be upset, as I hadn't even seen the guy for months, but I found myself unable to stop my eyes from tearing more than once. It was silly, but I knew at that sight that all the "What If?" moments I entertained myself with from time to time would never come to fruition. I chalked it up as closure, but my mind has been stretching itself beyond the specific to a general remembering of all the guys in my life that got away.
Since then, I haven't been able to get Adele's "Someone Like You" out of my head, specifically the line that says, "Never mind; I'll find someone like you". I've never thought much on it before, but never mind really is such a cruel little phrase; it's like you're using two little words to negate an entire history, as if it never actually happened, as if you regret every single moment spent on whatever it is that you're "never mind"ing.
I feel like there are so many "never mind"s in my life as of late: "I've met a guy in my ward that seems really nice and we have a lot in common. Maybe I'll try to talk to him. Never mind; he just spent all of ward prayer flirting with the same girl he sat by in Sacrament meeting" (and on that note, "I think I'll go to ward prayer tonight. I'm getting to know more people in my ward and I'm sure I won't have to sit awkwardly, not talking to anyone. Never mind; I went and felt like I'd shown up uninvited to a party. A grand total of three people acknowledged my existence, so I went home afterwards and cried"). "Hey, I think my boss and I are getting along better now. Never mind; she still uses her condescending tone and nature to show her disdain and complete lack of respect for me." "I'm sure there are plenty of jobs that I can apply for. Never mind; I'm officially qualified for nothing, save the job I currently have and hate."
Never minds are rough. The mere utterance of the phrase is like you're entirely giving up and giving yourself permission for an eternal pity party. Quite honestly, I'm forcing myself to write the next portion of this post, knowing full well that it's Satan who is tempting me to wallow in all these sad, sad, anti-progressive thoughts and emotions.
These are the times when I make myself remember all the times when someone didn't say "never mind", and how great the effect was. Abinadi didn't say "never mind" the first time he was thrown out of the city; he came back and preached the gospel, even though his mission ended with his martyrdom. Through Alma and subsequent prophets, Abinadi's teachings reached millions of people. Joseph Smith didn't say "never mind" after receiving the First Vision; he pushed on through unspeakable persecution to bring us the restored gospel and the Book of Mormon.
Most importantly, our Savior didn't say "never mind" when facing the Atonement. How grateful I am that He suffered for not only my sins, but my every pain and sorrow so that He would know exactly how I feel through every trial, including the very trial I am writing about now.
It seems so easy to say "never mind" and walk away from the hard things in life. It may bring temporary relief, but giving up is never going to permanently satisfy anyone. My Heavenly Father expects a lot from me in this life; it even says so in my patriarchal blessing. He would never say "never mind" to me; He knows what I'm capable of and knows that I have, or will develop, the strength and skills within me that I'll need to accomplish those things. How can I say "never mind" to Him when he has blessed me with so much?
Of course, writing about something is far different from developing an unwavering habit of positive thinking. I can guarantee that there will still be many tears and nights when everything seems so impossible. I can only pray that when these tears and sad nights come, instead of saying "never mind" and giving up, I will instead think to myself, "Well, that was rough, and I'm sad, but every experience is a chance to grow". I hope that I will be able to see the light a little sooner and spend a little less time moping. Moping never helps anyone.
Since then, I haven't been able to get Adele's "Someone Like You" out of my head, specifically the line that says, "Never mind; I'll find someone like you". I've never thought much on it before, but never mind really is such a cruel little phrase; it's like you're using two little words to negate an entire history, as if it never actually happened, as if you regret every single moment spent on whatever it is that you're "never mind"ing.
I feel like there are so many "never mind"s in my life as of late: "I've met a guy in my ward that seems really nice and we have a lot in common. Maybe I'll try to talk to him. Never mind; he just spent all of ward prayer flirting with the same girl he sat by in Sacrament meeting" (and on that note, "I think I'll go to ward prayer tonight. I'm getting to know more people in my ward and I'm sure I won't have to sit awkwardly, not talking to anyone. Never mind; I went and felt like I'd shown up uninvited to a party. A grand total of three people acknowledged my existence, so I went home afterwards and cried"). "Hey, I think my boss and I are getting along better now. Never mind; she still uses her condescending tone and nature to show her disdain and complete lack of respect for me." "I'm sure there are plenty of jobs that I can apply for. Never mind; I'm officially qualified for nothing, save the job I currently have and hate."
Never minds are rough. The mere utterance of the phrase is like you're entirely giving up and giving yourself permission for an eternal pity party. Quite honestly, I'm forcing myself to write the next portion of this post, knowing full well that it's Satan who is tempting me to wallow in all these sad, sad, anti-progressive thoughts and emotions.
These are the times when I make myself remember all the times when someone didn't say "never mind", and how great the effect was. Abinadi didn't say "never mind" the first time he was thrown out of the city; he came back and preached the gospel, even though his mission ended with his martyrdom. Through Alma and subsequent prophets, Abinadi's teachings reached millions of people. Joseph Smith didn't say "never mind" after receiving the First Vision; he pushed on through unspeakable persecution to bring us the restored gospel and the Book of Mormon.
Most importantly, our Savior didn't say "never mind" when facing the Atonement. How grateful I am that He suffered for not only my sins, but my every pain and sorrow so that He would know exactly how I feel through every trial, including the very trial I am writing about now.
It seems so easy to say "never mind" and walk away from the hard things in life. It may bring temporary relief, but giving up is never going to permanently satisfy anyone. My Heavenly Father expects a lot from me in this life; it even says so in my patriarchal blessing. He would never say "never mind" to me; He knows what I'm capable of and knows that I have, or will develop, the strength and skills within me that I'll need to accomplish those things. How can I say "never mind" to Him when he has blessed me with so much?
Of course, writing about something is far different from developing an unwavering habit of positive thinking. I can guarantee that there will still be many tears and nights when everything seems so impossible. I can only pray that when these tears and sad nights come, instead of saying "never mind" and giving up, I will instead think to myself, "Well, that was rough, and I'm sad, but every experience is a chance to grow". I hope that I will be able to see the light a little sooner and spend a little less time moping. Moping never helps anyone.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Somewhere Out There...
...beneath the pale moon light... Okay, I couldn't help it :)
The other day, I had yet another go-around with that unseemly boy at work. I sort of feel bad for picking on him, but that's how it is. He said a few things that got me upset, and he noticed. He asked if I was mad at him and I told him I wasn't, but I told him this: I plan on marrying a certain kind of guy some day, and he just keeps reminding me that those guys are few and far between. He laughed and made a joke, and I laughed along; there really wasn't any point in staying upset about it.
This incident did get me to thinking, though: while growing up, little girls in Primary and Young Women are continuously told that when we grow up and get married, our husbands will be so glad that we worked so hard to uphold good standards. They say that keeping our virtue will be a huge blessing in our future marriages. These are the things that keep me going on the rough days. Sometimes it seems that the only available men are jerks with low standards. However, I know that somewhere out there, amidst the idiots, imbeciles, and downright scum, there is a genuinely good guy. He's not perfect, but he's good.
What I'm wondering is this: what did the boys hear when they were growing up? Did someone tell them how deeply the women they will marry will appreciate their upholding of good standards? Were they taught that in their adulthood, righteous women will be desperate for a worthy priesthood holder who still adheres to the principles taught in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet? Did some wise teacher warn them that the "good guys" will be few and far between by the time they reach the age to marry? I certainly hope so.
I also wonder this: while the good, single girls of the world sit around and wonder where the good guys are, do the good, single boys of the world ask the same question? Are there guys out there that feel like the world is full of girls who claim to have strong testimonies, but parade around in immodest clothing and make out with a new guy every night? I know that my lack of experience means I know next to nothing about guys, but it seems that this would be something that good guys who seriously want to find a wife think about. I have to believe that the kind of man I want to marry is out there, desperately seeking the kind of girl I am.
Just a wondering I had. I'll leave you with a song, which I'm starting to enjoy doing on these posts.
The other day, I had yet another go-around with that unseemly boy at work. I sort of feel bad for picking on him, but that's how it is. He said a few things that got me upset, and he noticed. He asked if I was mad at him and I told him I wasn't, but I told him this: I plan on marrying a certain kind of guy some day, and he just keeps reminding me that those guys are few and far between. He laughed and made a joke, and I laughed along; there really wasn't any point in staying upset about it.
This incident did get me to thinking, though: while growing up, little girls in Primary and Young Women are continuously told that when we grow up and get married, our husbands will be so glad that we worked so hard to uphold good standards. They say that keeping our virtue will be a huge blessing in our future marriages. These are the things that keep me going on the rough days. Sometimes it seems that the only available men are jerks with low standards. However, I know that somewhere out there, amidst the idiots, imbeciles, and downright scum, there is a genuinely good guy. He's not perfect, but he's good.
What I'm wondering is this: what did the boys hear when they were growing up? Did someone tell them how deeply the women they will marry will appreciate their upholding of good standards? Were they taught that in their adulthood, righteous women will be desperate for a worthy priesthood holder who still adheres to the principles taught in the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet? Did some wise teacher warn them that the "good guys" will be few and far between by the time they reach the age to marry? I certainly hope so.
I also wonder this: while the good, single girls of the world sit around and wonder where the good guys are, do the good, single boys of the world ask the same question? Are there guys out there that feel like the world is full of girls who claim to have strong testimonies, but parade around in immodest clothing and make out with a new guy every night? I know that my lack of experience means I know next to nothing about guys, but it seems that this would be something that good guys who seriously want to find a wife think about. I have to believe that the kind of man I want to marry is out there, desperately seeking the kind of girl I am.
Just a wondering I had. I'll leave you with a song, which I'm starting to enjoy doing on these posts.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
December 27th Resolution
Despite being a self-described tradition junkie, I've never been a fan of New Year's resolutions. I know that some people do take the time to give their resolutions serious thought and see the new year as an opportunity for a new start, but it's never been something that rings true with me. If I realize I need to work on something, I resolve on it there; the date on which I do this has no influence on how likely I am to achieve my goal.
Having said that, I'd like to put forth a resolution of sorts that I decided on the other night: I need to learn to forgive. There are people in my life who have wronged me; in fact, some of these people continue to wrong me over and over again. It's really easy to become angry and rant about how horrible these people are, but it doesn't make me feel any better. As the saying goes, holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. Needless to say, this doesn't work (no matter how poetic William Blake may wax on the subject-or how much I like that poem). I've had actually physical problems because I'm unable to let things go. It's just not healthy.
I really feel that progression can be stalled when we haven't forgiven those who have wronged us. There's no better way to be stuck in the rut of the past than to hold a grudge. A grudge will tether you to one of the lowest points in your life and will keep you from moving on, and the cruel irony is that we are the ones that build and attach our own tethers. We are the ones who refuse to let go; no one is holding us there but ourselves.
Sometimes we don't even realize that we are holding ourselves back. I fully thought that I would be able to just get over one particular situation that I've discussed before. The start of my realization came from an unexpected source. My direct supervisor is not someone you would think of as spiritual if you don't know her well, though she was at one point a member of the church. After an unexpected bout of anxiety, she pointed out to me that being so affected after so long should warrant the use of fasting and prayer for assistance. I took her advice, and it was only then that I realized that I had yet to forgive this person. It seemed so simple, and yet so difficult. I haven't quite gotten there, but I think I've been making strides. It helps if I remind myself that this person is also a daughter of God, and that we all make mistakes. More importantly, if He is willing to forgive us, how much more should I, a sinner myself, forgive?
I can still sense a long road ahead, but I know that with continued prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance, I will receive help and inspiration to keep my resolution strong.
I know Christmas is over, but I think the message of this song, though not specifically concerning learning to forgive, is just beautiful. I've been listening to it on repeat while I typed this up.
Remember, He never said it would be easy; He only said it would be worth it.
Having said that, I'd like to put forth a resolution of sorts that I decided on the other night: I need to learn to forgive. There are people in my life who have wronged me; in fact, some of these people continue to wrong me over and over again. It's really easy to become angry and rant about how horrible these people are, but it doesn't make me feel any better. As the saying goes, holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. Needless to say, this doesn't work (no matter how poetic William Blake may wax on the subject-or how much I like that poem). I've had actually physical problems because I'm unable to let things go. It's just not healthy.
I really feel that progression can be stalled when we haven't forgiven those who have wronged us. There's no better way to be stuck in the rut of the past than to hold a grudge. A grudge will tether you to one of the lowest points in your life and will keep you from moving on, and the cruel irony is that we are the ones that build and attach our own tethers. We are the ones who refuse to let go; no one is holding us there but ourselves.
Sometimes we don't even realize that we are holding ourselves back. I fully thought that I would be able to just get over one particular situation that I've discussed before. The start of my realization came from an unexpected source. My direct supervisor is not someone you would think of as spiritual if you don't know her well, though she was at one point a member of the church. After an unexpected bout of anxiety, she pointed out to me that being so affected after so long should warrant the use of fasting and prayer for assistance. I took her advice, and it was only then that I realized that I had yet to forgive this person. It seemed so simple, and yet so difficult. I haven't quite gotten there, but I think I've been making strides. It helps if I remind myself that this person is also a daughter of God, and that we all make mistakes. More importantly, if He is willing to forgive us, how much more should I, a sinner myself, forgive?
I can still sense a long road ahead, but I know that with continued prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance, I will receive help and inspiration to keep my resolution strong.
I know Christmas is over, but I think the message of this song, though not specifically concerning learning to forgive, is just beautiful. I've been listening to it on repeat while I typed this up.
Remember, He never said it would be easy; He only said it would be worth it.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Dear Aunts: I'm fine. I promise.
I know this is a horrible thing to say, but I'm sort of dreading Thanksgiving this year. It recently came to my attention that out of the fifty or so grandkids in my family, I've managed to become "the spinster". There are a few single guys left (including my younger brother), but it's not the same and you know it :) Even my baby sister is in a long term relationship and is planning on marriage in the near-ish future.
As previously stated, I really am okay with still being single. Honest! The problem is that Thanksgiving this year is with my mom's side of the family, the side with the fifty grandkids. I just tend to feel awkward around all my cousins with their spouses and children and domesticity. "Look, I made this great salad!" "That's cool. I can't afford to move out of my parents' house, so I didn't get a food assignment. I'm going to go help my mom now..." Plus, I just can't help feeling like a third wheel when talking to my cousins, whose husbands are standing right there next to them.
The other problem is that, despite my insistence otherwise, my aunts all seem to assume that I'm secretly in the depths of despair over my single-ness. At the last family activity, three of my aunts regaled me with stories of girls they knew that didn't get married until they were thirty, or even older, in an attempt to instill hope into my sad, single heart. I know they just want me to be happy and are trying to help, but I can't help feeling like a child being consoled because I'm not tall enough to ride the roller coaster.
So there it is, my woe of the day. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone :)
As previously stated, I really am okay with still being single. Honest! The problem is that Thanksgiving this year is with my mom's side of the family, the side with the fifty grandkids. I just tend to feel awkward around all my cousins with their spouses and children and domesticity. "Look, I made this great salad!" "That's cool. I can't afford to move out of my parents' house, so I didn't get a food assignment. I'm going to go help my mom now..." Plus, I just can't help feeling like a third wheel when talking to my cousins, whose husbands are standing right there next to them.
The other problem is that, despite my insistence otherwise, my aunts all seem to assume that I'm secretly in the depths of despair over my single-ness. At the last family activity, three of my aunts regaled me with stories of girls they knew that didn't get married until they were thirty, or even older, in an attempt to instill hope into my sad, single heart. I know they just want me to be happy and are trying to help, but I can't help feeling like a child being consoled because I'm not tall enough to ride the roller coaster.
So there it is, my woe of the day. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone :)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
I guess I need a new checklist...
It recently (and by recently, I mean last night) came to my attention that a former friend of mine will most likely be engaged very soon. This former friend and I parted ways several months ago as a result of rampant emotional abuse on her part. Since calling it quits on our friendship, I've noticed that her life actually seems to be going remarkably well (from an outside point of view, at least). I guess you always figure that the crazy person will be the one whose imperfections will eventually lead them down the road of misery, but she seems to have everything that I've had on my "Tangible Requirements for Ultimate Happiness" checklist. This includes, basically, a dream job, a boyfriend, and not living in my parents' house, all of which this former friend of mine has attained.
I started out by being a little bitter, but eventually I got to the point where I realized that even though I don't have all the things on my crazy little checklist, I'm actually really happy right now. On paper, my life seems like it would be really sad: I'm a college graduate stuck in the same job I've worked all through college, I'm as single as the day I was born, and, due to my financial situation, I'm back to bunking at my parents'. But there are so many other things I have that make me happy. I have a lot of really great friends that accept me for who I am and encourage me to be a better person without using harsh words or rolling eyes. I have a family that loves me and supports me. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, which gives me an eternal perspective. I have a recommend to enter the house of the Lord, which has been such a blessing in my life.
So, no, I don't have anything on the ol' checklist. I guess maybe I should concentrate on checking off things that I have now, rather than torturing myself over the things that I don't have. I know that I need to work on getting those things, but I also need to consider the Lord's timeline, and that He knows when the best time will be for me to get the things that I want, provided they're even the things that I need.
I'm suddenly reminded of a song from Michael McLean's "The Forgotten Carols" which I absolutely love. I can't seem to find this particular song on YouTube, and Google can't seem to find the official lyrics (I'm wondering if this song was added later to the stage version, and therefore isn't on the original album), so here are some of the lyrics as I remember them (sorry if they're not quite right):
All I ever wanted,
All I ever dreamed of,
Everything I hoped,
And all the things I prayed for
Couldn't hold a candle
To what I've been given.
I've been given what I need.
I love love love that song. The whole thing is just beautiful and I so wish I could have found it for you all to listen to, or at least read. Oh, well.
So there it is.
I started out by being a little bitter, but eventually I got to the point where I realized that even though I don't have all the things on my crazy little checklist, I'm actually really happy right now. On paper, my life seems like it would be really sad: I'm a college graduate stuck in the same job I've worked all through college, I'm as single as the day I was born, and, due to my financial situation, I'm back to bunking at my parents'. But there are so many other things I have that make me happy. I have a lot of really great friends that accept me for who I am and encourage me to be a better person without using harsh words or rolling eyes. I have a family that loves me and supports me. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ, which gives me an eternal perspective. I have a recommend to enter the house of the Lord, which has been such a blessing in my life.
So, no, I don't have anything on the ol' checklist. I guess maybe I should concentrate on checking off things that I have now, rather than torturing myself over the things that I don't have. I know that I need to work on getting those things, but I also need to consider the Lord's timeline, and that He knows when the best time will be for me to get the things that I want, provided they're even the things that I need.
I'm suddenly reminded of a song from Michael McLean's "The Forgotten Carols" which I absolutely love. I can't seem to find this particular song on YouTube, and Google can't seem to find the official lyrics (I'm wondering if this song was added later to the stage version, and therefore isn't on the original album), so here are some of the lyrics as I remember them (sorry if they're not quite right):
All I ever wanted,
All I ever dreamed of,
Everything I hoped,
And all the things I prayed for
Couldn't hold a candle
To what I've been given.
I've been given what I need.
I love love love that song. The whole thing is just beautiful and I so wish I could have found it for you all to listen to, or at least read. Oh, well.
So there it is.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
The Metaphorical Shady Side of Town
There's a guy that I work with that I'm not especially fond of. He's not an altogether horrible person, but it seems like every time I work with him I discover another thing that I don't want in my future eternal companion. Things like avoiding going to the temple because it puts him to sleep, or not being able to watch an entire session of General Conference without flipping channels to check the score on the football game.
Remember my job-turning-down incident of the last post? I've started to look at that experience like I look at dating. There were a lot of really great things about that job: great hours, great benefits, etc., but at the end of the day, the pay was just not enough. The compensation would not be enough to sustain me in the matter to which I (and all people who like to live in health and safety) have become accustomed. Having nights and weekends off would not make me feel any safer if I had to live in a seedy neighborhood. Prescription coverage wouldn't do me much good against the cockroaches and marijuana fumes I would be at risk of enduring in a sub-par apartment complex. No extras can make up for the basic essentials a person needs to live in safety.
So it is with dating. I could find a man that is absolutely smoking hot. He could have advanced degrees and a gorgeous singing voice. He could be the kindest, funniest man in the world. He might have even served a mission and attends church every week. But what if he goes for weeks without even thinking about cracking his scriptures open? What if he hasn't gone to the temple in years? What if he spends his nights watching R-rated movies and telling crude jokes with foul language? These are things that will not sustain a relationship at the level of spirituality that I have spent an entire life working to get to. I need to date someone who will be an example to me, who makes me want to be a better person. I need to marry someone who will help me raise our children to be strong because of our example, not in spite of it. It's kind of important to me.
I guess what it boils down to is that there are requirements and there are bonuses. They pretty much consist of what I've already discussed. Of course, there's also personality compatibility, and he should probably be roughly 23-30 years of age, but the really serious things are way more important. It's like that object lesson they give in Young Women's. They give you a piece of cake, or whatever, and talk about how delicious it is. Oh, except there's one ingredient that you might not like: dog poop. Clearly, that's not something that you want to be eating. But what if the cake has an ingredient that may sound a little unusual, but not detrimental to your health...like sour cream. When I first heard of baking recipes that included sour cream, I was sufficiently weirded out, but it actually makes a difference for the better in the finished (and delicious) product.
So to sum up: don't settle for the shady side of town, put sour cream in your cookies.
Remember my job-turning-down incident of the last post? I've started to look at that experience like I look at dating. There were a lot of really great things about that job: great hours, great benefits, etc., but at the end of the day, the pay was just not enough. The compensation would not be enough to sustain me in the matter to which I (and all people who like to live in health and safety) have become accustomed. Having nights and weekends off would not make me feel any safer if I had to live in a seedy neighborhood. Prescription coverage wouldn't do me much good against the cockroaches and marijuana fumes I would be at risk of enduring in a sub-par apartment complex. No extras can make up for the basic essentials a person needs to live in safety.
So it is with dating. I could find a man that is absolutely smoking hot. He could have advanced degrees and a gorgeous singing voice. He could be the kindest, funniest man in the world. He might have even served a mission and attends church every week. But what if he goes for weeks without even thinking about cracking his scriptures open? What if he hasn't gone to the temple in years? What if he spends his nights watching R-rated movies and telling crude jokes with foul language? These are things that will not sustain a relationship at the level of spirituality that I have spent an entire life working to get to. I need to date someone who will be an example to me, who makes me want to be a better person. I need to marry someone who will help me raise our children to be strong because of our example, not in spite of it. It's kind of important to me.
I guess what it boils down to is that there are requirements and there are bonuses. They pretty much consist of what I've already discussed. Of course, there's also personality compatibility, and he should probably be roughly 23-30 years of age, but the really serious things are way more important. It's like that object lesson they give in Young Women's. They give you a piece of cake, or whatever, and talk about how delicious it is. Oh, except there's one ingredient that you might not like: dog poop. Clearly, that's not something that you want to be eating. But what if the cake has an ingredient that may sound a little unusual, but not detrimental to your health...like sour cream. When I first heard of baking recipes that included sour cream, I was sufficiently weirded out, but it actually makes a difference for the better in the finished (and delicious) product.
So to sum up: don't settle for the shady side of town, put sour cream in your cookies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)