One Month Later

Well, it's been one month since the break-up. I'm happy to report that I don't feel quite so gut-wrenchingly miserable...so that's good. I'm still pretty upset, though. And lonely. Not in a I-don't-have-any-friends-and-no-one-will-ever-want-to-date kind of way, but in an I-miss-him-so-much-that-I-don't-even-want-to-participate-in-anything-remotely-related-to-dating-anyone-else sort of way.

Ugh. The pain has subsided to a dull ache most of the time, but it reserves the right to flare up at any time when a memory pops up. At the same time, the memories are starting to fade, and in some ways it feels like it never happened. I honestly can't decide if that's good or not. On the one hand, it's definitely less painful to not remember everything, but on the other hand, it just doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem fair that all that wonderfulness should slip away into oblivion.

I'm also experiencing an outrageous level of bitterness, which is extremely annoying. I almost punched some guy at a stake activity just because he had his arm around his girlfriend and was stroking her shoulder. I have to restrain myself from making comments that are supposed to be funny, but just come out really terrible. Even I can tell that everyone is sick of it. If I were a regular girl who'd actually dated anyone else ever before, I would have bounced back by now, probably. I might be imagining it, but I feel like it's been so long that I'm annoying anyone who has to listen about me still complaining...which is mostly why I'm writing this post. So y'all can roll your eyes while reading this, if you like :)

So there it is. I'm plugging along, doing slightly better than expected, but at the same time, so much worse. I'd probably be better off if I didn't have all the stress from work and the terrible sleeping from the bad neighbors. I guess I'm going through a rough patch. But it's okay. Because I am strong! Because I am awesome! Someone bring me cake... I can be awesome and sad at the same time, right?

Exactly right. So I will march on.