So...I'm 28 now. And with that, I'm now one of the senior members of my ward. The entire group of 30 year olds has moved on to the next ward, and now it's pretty much me and two other girls. I just can't help but feel a little out of place amongst all these young people. They're all talking about school, and being just out of high school, and living with their families. The Sunday School teacher yesterday called us a "group of 20-25 year olds".
I'm in a very weird place in life. I'm out of college, but I'm not married. But I'm not old enough for the mid-singles ward. And I'm sure not going to go to the family ward. These are the times when a 25-30 ward would be awesome. Someone should seriously look into that. Seriously. Then I could be with people my own age and not have be continuously working on my patience with the younger people of the ward.
I love the sisters in my ward. I really do. Even the young ones, when they're not being so...young. There are a lot of wonderful sisters in my ward that I've become good friends with. I think I'd feel better about the ward if there were ever any opportunity to date. I can literally count on one hand the guys I've met in that ward that I could date, and I'd have two fingers left over. I've been in this ward for over a year, and nothing. I think most of the cause is my ward boundaries. It's mostly houses, and it's far away from the local campus. Most of the guys in my ward are living at home: young, weird, or both. Because of the whole houses thing, the members of the ward don't change much from semester to semester. I really don't get it because I see cute guys at the church house and at stake activities. I don't know where they're coming from, but it's certainly not my ward.
Maybe I'd be more content with my ward if I had other opportunities to date. There are a few possibilities at work, but nothing serious. And I have no other ways to meet gentlemen. Besides which, I'm getting really tired of working so hard to reel a guy in. It is both exhausting and terrifying to be as obvious as you have to be to get a guy to notice you.
I'm so tired of pretending that I could be outdoorsy. The fact is that I don't like fishing and I don't like hiking. I don't like getting dirty, or wet, or cold. This doesn't go well for me because outdoorsy-ness is the official cop-out date of mankind. It's free and takes no effort whatsoever on the guy's part. And it helps them avoid defining your activity as a date. And if you're not outdoorsy, forget it. No dates for you with that guy, which is all guys. I'm not a guy's girl. I'm not going to talk about sports. When in the world did it become a problem to be a girl? Are there no guys that appreciate the effort I put into my appearance? Doesn't anyone want a classy girl? And if one more person tells me that guys are intimidated by my intelligence, I will throw a fit.
On TV the other day, I heard a line that struck me. The main character had been single for a long time, and he stated that every day, he believed a little less and a little less that there was someone out there for him. I know exactly how he felt. I haven't given up, and I have no plans to do so. I don't want anyone to worry about me going all crazy, but I've gotten to a very strange part of my life where I'm making plans that don't even include the possibility of getting married. I mean, it's healthy to make plans that don't assume you'll be married soon, but my plans sort of skew towards never getting married. Which is weird. And depressing. Well, not really that depressing. I'm focusing more on me. On developing my very sad domestic skills. And continuing my education (informally; I have no plans to go back right now).
Most importantly, I'm working on my spirituality. I'm growing closer to my Savior. I'm learning more about my personal relationship with God. And it's good. And I'm happy, which is what matters most.
