Despite being a self-described tradition junkie, I've never been a fan of New Year's resolutions. I know that some people do take the time to give their resolutions serious thought and see the new year as an opportunity for a new start, but it's never been something that rings true with me. If I realize I need to work on something, I resolve on it there; the date on which I do this has no influence on how likely I am to achieve my goal.
Having said that, I'd like to put forth a resolution of sorts that I decided on the other night: I need to learn to forgive. There are people in my life who have wronged me; in fact, some of these people continue to wrong me over and over again. It's really easy to become angry and rant about how horrible these people are, but it doesn't make me feel any better. As the saying goes, holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. Needless to say, this doesn't work (no matter how poetic William Blake may wax on the subject-or how much I like that poem). I've had actually physical problems because I'm unable to let things go. It's just not healthy.
I really feel that progression can be stalled when we haven't forgiven those who have wronged us. There's no better way to be stuck in the rut of the past than to hold a grudge. A grudge will tether you to one of the lowest points in your life and will keep you from moving on, and the cruel irony is that we are the ones that build and attach our own tethers. We are the ones who refuse to let go; no one is holding us there but ourselves.
Sometimes we don't even realize that we are holding ourselves back. I fully thought that I would be able to just get over one particular situation that I've discussed before. The start of my realization came from an unexpected source. My direct supervisor is not someone you would think of as spiritual if you don't know her well, though she was at one point a member of the church. After an unexpected bout of anxiety, she pointed out to me that being so affected after so long should warrant the use of fasting and prayer for assistance. I took her advice, and it was only then that I realized that I had yet to forgive this person. It seemed so simple, and yet so difficult. I haven't quite gotten there, but I think I've been making strides. It helps if I remind myself that this person is also a daughter of God, and that we all make mistakes. More importantly, if He is willing to forgive us, how much more should I, a sinner myself, forgive?
I can still sense a long road ahead, but I know that with continued prayer, scripture study, and temple attendance, I will receive help and inspiration to keep my resolution strong.
I know Christmas is over, but I think the message of this song, though not specifically concerning learning to forgive, is just beautiful. I've been listening to it on repeat while I typed this up.
Remember, He never said it would be easy; He only said it would be worth it.
